Before we decided to go through the godform cycle, as we were reading the book on the dkmu godforms, I felt inspired to make this image of Trigag. I have a painting in a similar configuration of the character Leviathan from the Illuminatus! trilogy. The only difference is that Leviathan was white, and I painted their eye horizontally. Anyway, I drew this before I had performed a formal evocation of Trigag, but I like it enough to share all the same. This is a sketch rather than a finished artwork...
This time Dana made the sigil and prepared the altar. We started the ritual late, and were quite tired by the time we did. Also I hadn't had time to prepare the calling, so we decided that on this first day a meditation would suffice. I had doubts about making successful contact because it seemed insufficient.
However, eventually I heard Trigag chastise me, telling me everything I need to make contact was present, "the altar is prepared, the music is honouring, the incense is pleasing, the sigil is before you..."
The conversation I had with Trigag is, on reflection, reading it back, very revealing. We discussed my fear of losing my happy life holding me back from achieving what I really want. He scoffed at some of my ideas to make money in alternative ways and actually gave me advice that at the time sounded vague, but which now sounds spot on. He flattered me a bit with some comments about my writing in comparison to a couple of famous authors. I'm not sure if he meant that I write better, or if he meant I have better stories to tell though. After all, he did then tell me I was a little rusty with that kind of writing, so perhaps he did mean the latter.
Before the ritual we ate a Chinese. We saved the fortune cookies to open in the ritual. Mine read "Your greatest virtue is modesty". That seems to have fit the theme of self-doubt that emerged from my conversation with Trigag.
Dream 1: Looking for a lost boy in Asia. (When I awoke, Dana told me she also had dreams of looking for lost people).
Dream 2: I was persuading Dana to get into a leaking boat, convinced it was good enough to get us where we needed to go, but she was expressing concern. We got in, and though it was a little wet, we sailed safely enough down stream, between the trees. Suddenly however the boat came out of the trees as the stream fed into a bay. To the right was a huge 10m wave heading our way. "Oh fuck" I exclaimed, realising we were in trouble...
Bath: I saw an inverse of one the Trigag paintings in the bath, the one with the white face with black triangle. In the bath, as I was getting in, my shadow created a black figure, and on the face some reflection of light created a white triangle...
Film:Pearl Button, This is a moving artistic and political documentary about disappeared people in Chili, the Indians of Patagonia, the water people, water, the sea and the stars. Some of the Indians of Patagonia had black and white make up in patterns that resembled that painting of Trigag with the white face with black triangle.
Ritual: We had prepared the calling this time and opened with a Kia IAO and the calling. I asked Trigag to guide an automatic drawing for me and got this...
When I asked for an interpretation he replied that it was for me to interpret. Then he added, "maybe not even you, maybe it is for others to analyse and understand you by."
Film: We watched 'Lightkeepers' A romantic comedy that was perhaps more Zalty than Trigag.
Ritual: We decided to do the ritual lying down on bean bags for a longer or deeper meditation. Or maybe it was because we were pretty tired as usual for a Friday evening. ;)
I ended up visualising the Trigag/Leviathan sketch I had done before the cycle started, as mentioned in the preparation. I asked Trigag what they thought of the image and they gave me a long reply...
"It is an amusing image. If Ellis is Eris in the trilogy, then I am Leviathan, and certainly we are the same archetype that appears in fiction as Leviathan, Cthulhu, Moby Dick, Kumugwe. All masks of the same mystery.
Of course Leviathan in Illuminatus is white, a reference to Moby Dick, whereas I am black. So how do we reconcile that? Well the Gnostic Leviathan was not a creature of the sea, but a cosmic serpent, the ouroborus Milky Way. If you look at the Milky Way you see only the stars gathered in the spiral arm. But what gathered them? A giant all consuming black hole.
The light of the stars is no more the galaxy than the glowing lure is the deep sea angler fish."
Dreams: I had dreams of being addicted to starting new (erotic) relationships. This is weird because I feel awkward and really have to push myself outside of my comfort zone to engage in new relationships of that kind and am thankful that I'm in a long term loving relationship. But maybe there is some kind of excitement that comes along with the awkwardness I fear? Certainly no where near enough reward to sacrifice the good thing Dana and I have together though.
Ritual: Today the weather was pretty good, the warmest of the year so far at that point. (14C, well it is the Scottish Highlands! :D~ ), so I drew the sigil outside on a shell, using the variant obtained by Stephen Branch. After lighting some joss sticks and meditating focused on the sigil for a time I closed my eyes and saw the sigil entering me and growing to envelop me from within.
I asked about the Fotamecus ritual we had planned, since this was daylight savings weekend and we had a marked clock we wanted to sacrifice. Trigag approved of the rite and promised to lend energy in support of it. Their reasoning had to do with mistaking a predictable rhythm that only occurs in specific conditions with time itself. Outside of those conditions of speed, gravity and pressure, time behaves differently. He then gave me an overview of relativity with the example of two particles passing by each other, each travelling at the speed of light in opposite directs. I admit my physics knowledge isn't really equipped to understand this, but apparently time distorts in some way locally such that the relative speed between them as they pass is still no greater than the speed of light.
Trigag identified with Chronos. Not the younger ordered time Chronos, but the older consort of Ananke, the serpentine god of flowing time. They then told me that stars to them were like krill to a whale, and the scale of time experienced by creatures living around such a star was of little significance. They then warned me of the consequences of moving away from a rigid time based career to something more achronistic.
This might tie in with the sigil from Ino concerning crypto currency economy. I expressed my fear that this might not be workable. Trigag simply responded that it didn't matter if it was workable, I had to try.
Fotamecus Film Magic: In a homage to the original fotamecus film magic ritual, we made a magical film of a clock marked with the sigil which we ultimately smash with a hammer. We haven't edited or even looked at this footage yet, so I can only hope it is usable. The magic itself was pretty dramatic.
Dream: On a beach and I notice some white shapes on a rock. At first I think they are seals but then I realise they are sheep. They are trapped by the tide and need to get to safety. I urge them to swim ashore and they come towards the beach through the water. Either they swim or the water is shallow enough for them to wade. We end up on a strange square of land with some crops. I sense the need to bring more soil so it remains above sea level. I erect a step ladder for the sheep to climb higher.
Dream 2: There is a boat race and everyone marvels at my sailing skill, skimming across giant waves, launching off them into the air like they are ramps, and landing just right to keep speed, easilly speeding past my more cautious competitors. However, little do they know, it is not skill but magic. Some spirit sails the boat for me and I am terrified by the risky manoeuvres it makes, holding on for dear life!
Garden: Another nice day weather wise we spend more time in the garden. Dana prepares the Zalty sigil whilst I work on the one for Red King.
Ritual: We again used the Stephen Branch variant Trigag sigil, this time in chalk by our outdoor chimney fire. We meditated sitting in reclining garden chairs. This time I asked about what I feared most. There followed an interesting discussion in which Trigag probed me for things I feared. I'm opting to keep this discussion between myself and Trigag however... *:P
In the fire afterwards I saw a pareidolia of the black rat.
Dream: In a small house with the black rat and other rats running around. I had to tell a woman to be careful of the rat babies crawling around in the carpet, because the black rat would become a lot less friendly if anything happened to them through her carelessness, such as standing on one.
Ritual: Today we decided to try scrying in the cuttlefish ink bowl. Dana and I discussed our different scrying techniques. Dana shared her technique of waiting for pareidolia to appear in the blurring shapes that appear in the bowl, whereas I shared mine which was to wait for image flashes, or visions, to interrupt a single minded object concentration on the blackness. In either case a mental note of the forms is made. I decided to try out Dana's technique.
My own sequence of images were:
Trigag sigil (This was deliberately visualised)
Cuttlefish (Perhaps because I knew the ink came from cuttlefish).
Dark Moon (It was new moon that day)
Alien spider crab entities
Dream: A very strange dream about a scandal in which a British Navy vessel hoses down a smaller ship of Japanese women in distress, sparking an international incident.
Ritual: This time we used the DKMU - Starshadow video on loop from youtube instead of our playlist. For this reason we included it in the youtube Trigag playlist we made. Amusingly we seemed to be view 666 of the video when I started playing. I was thinking of the number 666 when we started the ritual, but Trigag told me "Stop being distracted by trivialities."
I appologised, explaining that it doesn't take much to amuse us because our lives are so dull.
"On the contrary, your lives are anything but dull. I find your kind quite fascinating. That something so complex could exist at such a microscopic scale of space and time. That a whole civilisation of your kind can rise and fall in the time it takes for me to blink my eye."
I asked Trigag if they had any parting wisdom to share. They disdained wisdom, advising only the pursuit of power. To obtain power they advised growing big, obtaining mass by whatever means possible, without compromising myself in the process, so that eventually my gravity becomes self sustaining, drawing in new mass by the very nature of existing. They then gave me as sigil for increasing my mass, gravity, power and attraction.
'The word decadence, which at first meant simply "decline" in an abstract sense, is now most often used to refer to a perceived decay in standards, morals, dignity, religious faith, or skill at governing among the members of the elite of a very large social structure, such as an empire or nation state. By extension, it may refer to a decline in art, literature, science, technology, and work ethics, or (very loosely) to self-indulgent behavior'
The difficulty with words such as decadence is that they mean different things depending on who uses them. The term generally has negative connotations and is often used by those in power within society to dismiss cultural achievements of the counter culture. To them Occupy movement was a bunch of dirty hippies partying on a street. In reality it was a tremendous effort and a lot of good hard work. Sure, some people joined just to smoke a splif and look cool but they didn't organize it, they didn't create it. They just followed the crowd. At least they turned up! Many equate self awareness and inner growth with self indulgence and decadence. It's bullshit. If your drug and sex loving community creates events, art, literate, technology, science etc it is by definition not decadent no matter what some suited twat on downing/wall street might say about it.
In reality the people in power indulge in decadence more than your or my friends ever possibly could. Many of the financial elites take cocaine daily, do regular orgies, get involved in kink (fuck dead pigs head variety apparently) etc. The conservative image often is just that, an image. The difference is that they generally are not held accountable for any of it, They do not land in prison for having unlawful sex or taking illegal drugs. Mostly because they can afford a good lawyer and large private properties away from peering eyes of the public. The decadence that is destroying modern society has very little to do with a bunch of hippies throwing raves and house parties. It has much more to do with those with too much power not knowing when to stop and more importantly, feeling that they deserve all the fun at our expense. They are blinded with pleasure and power and want it at all cost.
That said, a child collecting trash in a dump to feed their starving siblings might not see the difference between your house party and the one of a banker since both happen at this child's expense and both do equally nothing to address the problem of global poverty which is not even on the kids mind because they are too hungry to think of anything else than food. I guess it's a matter of scale, how much privilege you have.
In the western world we are the people who feel and experience the results of our elites decadence everyday. We see how a greedy few destroys our future for few more snorts or whatever makes them temporarily happy and few more fucks they can afford any time they want. They tell us that we all should be like them and seek what they have. That's the carrot: better sex, better drugs and more of them! They call us decadent because we remind them too much of themselves and their epic failure at running the world. We are the shadow of their negligence and ignorance. Our own attempts at 'having a good time' are constantly overshadowed by fear of legal repercussions, by financial issues, ability to keep our jobs, pay our rents and survive from day to day. Our fun is severely limited and restricted by our circumstance. There is much less freedom in it than it might seem to a drugged mind of one who enjoys it. It is called begin rebellious, perverted, decadent, criminal, sinful etc.We can wear those insults as proud labels if we wish. We all internalized this false dehumanizing narratives imposed on us from top down and sometimes turning the insult into affirmation can be a powerful defense. At the same time we need to be careful not to glorify an attitude based on exploitation.
If drugs/sex/pleasure make you into a selfish dick or if it stops you from growing, becoming more self aware and do what you truly want to do with your life and being there for others then ditch that shit. If it is the only thing that keeps you from killing yourself or allows you to get by from day to day then by all means carry on. Self medicating is not decadence, it is a coping mechanism. The two are words apart. One allows you to cope, while the other stops you from coping. One means running away from your pain while the other learning how to live with it. If sex and drugs or another form of pleasure inspires you to do things, to create, to engage with people around you and grow spiritually then there is nothing decadent about it.
The magicians who 'abused drugs' were magicians not because they were drunks and junkies but despite of it. Their habit/addiction didn't stop them from creating a legacy we all benefited from. In some cases they consciously used mind altering substances to heal and to explore their inner worlds and shared the knowledge with us. That's not decadence either. I can not say the same about a kid of a wealthy banker who spends days fucking trafficked sex workers because its Tuesday. If I could deprive them of their fix so they could feel the pain and face themselves, I would. Some people need pain to wake up and if we steadily serve them their next dose of painkillers they will carry on wasting our future. I am tired of apathy and ignorance of our modern decadent society where true hard work isn't valued any more because someone else is doing it for you in a sweat shop millions miles away. Decadence is not a behavior of the oppressed. It's a privilege. You have to be able to afford it in the first place. There is absolutely nothing subversive about it. It's the status quo of capitalism.
If your pleasure is at my expense then I will judge you for it every time. Similarly I do not expect the proverbial starving kid to understand that I prefer to buy dope for my next weekend holiday than to buy their family a survival rations or fund an initiative that could end poverty. What would I tell the kid? That my life hurts too much and I can't cope with that much pain so they shouldn't judge me? Or that my spiritual growth is more important than their life? I hope the child would understand and forgive me and we could hug and go and get a lunch together, I could share some joints or something and work out how to best help them, because 'we are all humans'. If instead they slammed me across the face and told me to fuck off I'd like to think that I would thank them.
It's our responsibility to cut off the drug supply feeding the elites who exploit us. We need to be the wake up call, the fist that hits them with so much force that no money can stop them from feeling it. No painkillers, no mercy, just the reality raw and true. If they can't take it fuck them because millions of human begins have to take it everyday, completely sober and they do. We are the oppressor and we are the oppressed. We have to be able to handle both truths. Which one is harder to live with? When we deliver the blow some of it will hit us because we all enable the injustice. We can not move forwards without facing our own shadow and facing it hurts. It must and it will. When you run, it follows and makes you face them on their own terms, in the midst of a trip gone really bad, in a dream that you are forced to relive. It gets all of us eventually. We have to find the way out before we kill ourselves trying to avoid it. In the end death and non being are suppose to be the ultimate bliss.
This time Dana and I collaborated on creating the sigil focus. We used a 'faerie door' we had obtained sometime previously, but never used. It seemed perfect for Ino. It is a self standing door constructed from wood. Dana died this with metallic black wood dye, so the grain of the wood is still visible and creates an effect. I painted the sigils on top with a silver enamel. As Ino has two sigils, a closed form and an open form, I painted each side of the door with one of the variants.
Dream: Was with a man from the 'shared house' dream from last night (see week 2 day 7 dream 4). We are sitting on a large outdoor garbage bin, deciding which of two doors to take. It felt partly like the scene in Labyrinth where Sarah had to solve a riddle to decide between two doors, but also like the 'helping hands' scene in that was no actual riddle presented.
When I made the decision a woman appeared and made us get off the bins and form an orderly queue. I know she was there and heard her commands but have no memory of actually looking at her. Was this Ino? By 'us', I mean all the guys from the shared house dream had appeared to help form the queue. I also think one of them was in the 'moving house' dream.
I then got a revelation about the two forms of Ino. The closed door for possibilities is complemented by the open door of pathways, because once you have chosen a preferred possibility, you then need to know how to reach it.
Ritual: We both performed the Kia IAO centring. We both read from our calling to Ino, in which we inserted a modified line from the KIA Litany, "We have made a secret door the manifestation." Dana rang the chimes.
I began with an unguided pathworking from the Ziggurat of 663 into the surrounding ruins, much of it reclaimed by jungle or buried in ash. I was looking for a door. When I came to one my mind began buzzing with ideas. When I realised these were coming from Ino I asked why she was giving me ideas on that topic. Apparently I asked. Perhaps a stray thought, worry or concern during the meditation.
I mostly sensed her presence but she did appear in glimpses. I suspect these were more inspirations of how she might look rather than actually being her though.
She seemed excited when I asked about the possibilities for the week ahead.
When I asked about the idea for a novel I got in week one, with Ellis, she claimed credit for it. Apparently she was with me even back then?
She didn't like my idea of a painting for her at all. She gave me plenty of alternative inspirations she thought were better.
We discussed a few more topics before Dana closed the ritual with a final chime.
Today I asked Ino for an automatic drawing and got this one...
Ino declined to explain the drawing, saying it was up to me, although she did offer to write a story based on it.
Ino also advised me that Trigag would be very agreeable to helping with the Fotamecus ritual we had planned for the spring time change.
I thanked her and said goodnight.
Dream 1: This involves small teams of soldiers fighting a man eating giraffe-like monster as it walks between the ruins of some old tower blocks in a deserted city. I was a soldier with a grenade launcher. My notes concern the window I was shooting through as a symbol of Ino, and also the door I escaped through when my grenades failed to do any significant harm to the creature.
Dream 2: An 17th/18th century battle with sabres. A man who attempts to denounce a colleague as a demon after seeing his reflection in a shield, but the others won't turn on him because he single handedly liberated a ship. A demonic pirate captain? Zalty?
Ritual: Today I talked to Ino concerning a project I wanted to do collecting together some of the best material on KIA into short booklets. Ino advised I start with Octarine Magic.
Dream: An agent trying to help someone escape from a house being searched by secret police. A pirate boy with two toy cutlasses in the garden. Three orthodox Jewish men in traditional atire, running away from something down the street, that something turning out to be like 'amber' from the series 'Fringe'.
Ritual: Today Dana and I coordinated our efforts to discuss the same project with Ino and compare notes. This proved illuminating as the message we got contrasted with the usual roles we fall into when discussing the project, helping us both to see each others viewpoint from a different angle.
I make an Ino stone for the garden altar. It was however too cold and windy to sit out.
Film: We watch 'Kubo and the two Strings'. In addition to a lunar with faceless sisters being Ino references, a magic ship references Zalty, and lake monster with hypnotic eyes references Trigag.
Ritual: Got some further advice on preparing a document of the KIA godforms.
Ritual: Apparently Ino has asked Dana for monthly full moon rituals. Tonight Ino gave me a sigil to use alongside the prosperity web in one of these full moon rituals. The purpose of the sigil is to open our eyes to working in the digital crypto economy and decreasing our dependence on traditional economy.
Sighting: Saw a strange light in the sky before the ritual. 90% certain it was just a plane. We see lots of planes most nights, however this one did not behave like the others and seemed strange.
Ritual: I asked Ino for an automatic writing...
I know what you wanted to write but I have a different message for you. I'm glad you're listening because what is the point of asking for an automatic writing if you pre-plan what you might write in it?
I know more than you think I know. I want you to know that. I want you to know that I know. I want you to know that I know that I know that you know that I know. But really. As you pass through the gate, beware! Be aware! For through here lie dragons! Monsters! Behemoths! The dread Trigag! Pirates! Some try to scare you, others tempt you.
I know. Tempt you with what I hear you ask? Hidden treasure, adventure, freedom, a life less ordinary.
I know what you pirates seek. Sovereignty. It is hard being a slave. Harder still to be free in a world that wants you to stay a slave and does everything it can to re-enslave you.
I know. But allow the adventure to transform you and you will be equipped to rise to the challenges. You will be prepared to face failure because success is never guaranteed. That would be too easy wouldn't it? If it was easy, everyone would do it. I know.
Our second week of the DKMU godform cycle took place between March 8th and March 14th.
After finishing the seventh ritual of our week with Ellis, Dana and I replaced the altar with one for 663, the Doombringer, following the advice from book, using items we had lying around. We must have got something right as I found myself dreaming of tribal masks, a motif of the doombringer, that very night, and we hadn't even performed the first ritual yet. In the dream we were showing a woman intruder out of our house (Ellis?) but she instead guides us into our bedroom were she instructs Dana to fetch a brass tribal mask from a high shelf. Beside this mask was another one, wooden with horns, and a furry leather scalp.
Our first ritual begins with a Kia IAO centring and a calling to 663 personalised, but based on the one in the book. We then began an unguided pathworking, beginning in the jungle, by the huge cobweb of Ellis and walking through it to find the lost city where 663 has his ziggurat. The path to city began completely overgrown but started to open out into a roadway through the trees. I caught a glimpse of the black ziggurat at the end of the road, between the broad leaves of the trees and plants. As I did so, the spacial and time distortion effect started kicking in. The pyramid seemed at once near and far, large and small, towering above and short and below. Eventually I felt like I was floating above it in the air.
As I could not see 663 when it was behaving like this I decided I had to land at the base of the steps and walk up them. I had to concentrate on placing my foot on the first step. No sooner had I done so than I caught my first glimpse of the figure on the top. They appeared to be wearing a tribal mask with a huge feathered headdress. As I climbed up further I noticed they were dancing and wearing a suit. I began to detect feline features in the mask, almost cartoon like. The mask also seemed to trail a 'Chinese dragon costume' suggestive of a caterpillar. They occasionally paused from their dance to take a puff from a pipe before resuming.
When I reached the top 663 settled into more stillness based asana. After greetings I asked 663 if I could be rebuilt.
"For what purpose?" he responded.
At first I wasn't sure. Thinking as quick as I could I answered "To be what I need to be.", thinking this a wise answer.
But 663 was having none of it, "Need to be for what purpose?"
I suggested perhaps to help achieve the greatest happiness on Earth. 663 then showed me a vision of a future in which everyone is so drugged into a mindless happiness that gladly allow genocide and environmental destruction, walking blissfully to their own regimented deaths. "Are you sure you want this?" he teased?
"Well no" I replied slightly deflated. I clarified that what I meant was to become what I needed in order to ensure humanity prospered, lived in harmony with the environment, achieved global peace and explored the stars.
When I then got lost in some thoughts about my job, 663 interrupted them by saying "This! You need to end this!"
"My job?" I'm not sure if 663 meant ending my job or was just annoyed at me getting distracted during our conversation, but he insisted I had till the end of the year but the sooner the better. This was indeed a difficult truth, if it be so, as I am quite comfortable in my current position, even if the commute is tiresome, especially in the winter. Having my first message I bid 663 goodbye, saying I would be back. 663 grinned their consent and waved goodbye.
Dream: I had a dream about confronting a ghost in a train station that everyone else ran from in terror. As the ghost tried to claim me I breathed small shards of light calmly into its face and it evaporated.
Ritual: Today I asked 663 for a semi-automatic drawing, based on how I saw him yesterday. He agreed...
At one point Dana fetched some spiced rum which she placed in a skull shaped glass to put on the altar. She got some on her lips and started choking. As she enjoys vastly more spicy food than I can handle, I gathered from this that it must be very hot!
I said to 663, "Oh yes! We had an offering to Ellis from day 1.
"Yes, don't think I didn't notice."
"Hopefully this makes up for it?" I enquired?
"It'll do." he accepted.
Film: Today we watched the film 'After the Dark', a very philosophical film that we thought fit the theme of doombringer quite well. We had curry during the film and 663 got a bowl of this on their altar.
Ritual: Also today I managed to get the playlist for 663 working in both Clementine and VLC, so we could play from two sources simultaneously, as it is reputed to be pleasing to 663 to do this.
I visualised myself walking up the steps, but 663 got impatient with me, "Come, come" he said, "you don't need to do that again!" and I felt this time I could easily fly up to the top.
Tonight I planned to do a tarot reading, and before I asked or drew a card I began thinking about wealth and success and what I had to teach magically. I am not a millionaire, or quite frankly, anywhere close to becoming one. But that in and of itself is not a bad point. Being a millionaire does not make you a good magician, even less a good teacher of magic. The vast majority of people that choose a rich magician as a teacher, hoping they too will become rich following their advice, are in for a big disappointment.
Other students turn therefore to the other extreme, austere monks, or remote shaman able to survive in jungle or tundra, or traditions that survive in countries experiencing extremes of poverty. It is well they do, because there is much that can be learned by those that successfully navigate through poverty, or who reject a lifestyle based on material possessions. But again, the vast majority of such students, not being born into such desperate situations, will find it very difficult to adapt to such situations, or adapt the teachings into anything useful for modern living without considerably watering them down.
So herein lies the strength of a teacher that experiences a similar level of wealth to the student. The focus then becomes not on financial success, or ability to live an austere life, but rather in successfully navigating through life's obstacles and living a fulfulling and happy life. And demonstrating how magic helps with this.
Then I asked 663 if I could pull a card on how we might best centre ourselves in the coming turbulance, how best to survive. I decided to use the 'Ghetto tarot'. A card jumped out when shuffling and I looked and saw the 9 of coins. It depicted a white dressed woman holding something. 663 said it was the white queen and that she would have advice for us.
He had little else to offer so I asked if I could read from the booklet. It read...
"Sometimes you just have to remind myself that all in all life can be pretty damn good. Share your inner riches with the world."
In hindsight, it seems like 663 gave me the interpretation before I picked the card.
I made a stone with the 663 sigil for the garden altar and we sat by this during lunch.
Ritual: We did a calling for 663 and lit the black ziggurat incense cones. We added a couple of drops of the super hot spiced rum to normal rum and used this with normal rum, diluted with ice and ginger wine, and used this as sacrament.
I asked about my broken rib. He said I just needed more rest, but also that my situation would improve when my monitors at work were raised. That was a couple weeks before they were raised, and has proved to be true, I no longer need painkillers to be at work.
Today 663 brought up my relationship with Dana. The material here is deeply personal so we won't be sharing it all, but after teasing me a lot, he came up with advice on improving our financial cooperation, and a sigil to focus us on achieving that goal...
He also asked me to paint his face.
Dream 1: This dream involved someone swinging from a rope with a leopard biting their leg. 663 in cat form?
Dream 2: On a university campus a portal opens to another world. As a young woman I follow an older woman through the portal. The portal had the form of a rotating lotus that had a symbol inside a bit like part of the 663 sigil:
On the other side however I lost track of the woman and met a young girl and had a conversation about the location of a 'monster' I was apparently looking for. I was searching for a secret panel in a wall but the girl told me it was no use, all sorts of creatures lived in that place but they only came out when the wanted to. She resembled, in dress and manner, Clara (the disabled friend of Heidi from the children's story) only she could walk. Now I think of it, this wouldn't look to different from Alice from Lewis Carroll's stories, but that never occurred to me during the dream, or when writing it up.She lead me to a window and saw a coastline of white cliffs and white chalky islands. We were moving passed them, implying the window was from the inside of a boat. I wanted to open a window but there were some dying patients and I didn't want to disturb them so quietly left.The room filled up with some kind of party, people dressed in evening wear, I was no longer a young woman but my adult self. I saw a shortish blond man that looked familiar, like I worked with him on the other side of the portal, but he just winked and moved on. I got pulled into a group where the eccentric woman had returned, but I had forgotten I was looking for her. She was chatting so I thought to move on but she stopped me.Now face to face she stated "You were talking about Rockamed?"After initial confusion and confirmation of the name I evasively answered that I write about a lot of religious subjects.She announced that she herself had written a book on tarot and that she was 67 years old. And asked me if I remembered.She also asked me about school and I answered more deeply than I would have in waking life, revealing an inner truth that I wasn't conscious of but which now makes sense.
Analysis: Was this the message from white queen that 663 told me about? Was the chalky islands Zalty? Was the implied boat we were in Zalty? Was the winking blonde man 663?
Ritual: I asked 663 if he was the winking blonde man in the dream. He said he was. I then asked him about many experiences throughout my childhood and he identified some of them as himself and one as Red King.I then asked about a stone, remembering that 663 will sometimes rebuild you with a shamanic stone. A stone I was once gifted, but long lost, appeared in head. When I was much younger I ran a correspondence course on chaos magic for teenagers called 'The Illuminati Youth'. One of my students, Soror Thyme 3981, gave me a crystal she purchased from a Bedouin tribesman in the Sinai desert, a toothless man she met on the way to St Catherins, the site of the biblical burning bush. 663 told me I would have a dream about the rib in due course, and that I should re-read her letters, which I did.
Ritual: 663 appeared playfully, with the image of a pink elephant. Confusedly I asked why he was appearing in this form and he joked "Silly, that isn't an elephants trunk..."
The undulating trunk then seemed disconnected from any head and transformed into a very cartoony caterpillar. As I focused on the face it became cheshire cat like and the segments of the caterpillar collapsed into each other one by one until they resolved themselves into the body of the cat, which all the while maintained a wide grin.
I had been experiencing a lot of dreams about suited agents, perhaps itself only a result of my working an MIB agent paradigm for a time, but given 663s own suited nature I asked if any of these agents were to do with him.
As I was waiting for Dana to finish I felt a sudden brief pain or weird tingling in my rib. It occurred to me suddenly to ask 663 if he was putting the stone in. He replied that it was as good a time as any. I answered that I thought he was going to do it in a dream, but he shrugged and put three, possibly contradictory thoughts into my head:
I had the dream but don't remember.
The dream is still to come but linked to this moment.
This is all the dream of Red King anyway, so it is in a dream.
The seem to exhibit a past, future, present trinity.
663 then told me the reason I had to re-read her letter was so that I remembered how good a teacher I was, even back then, and the choice of stone symbolises that.
I had a series of dreams that take up three pages of my diary. I will summarise:
Dream 1: Looking at starry sky. A few shooting stars appear. Suddenly lots of stars started moving in a weird way, each moving back and forth quickly between two points, but each at different angles. "What is that?" I exclaim to those watching with me. Suddenly unannounced fireworks start and cover up the strange lights.
Dream 2: Faery red queen appears in a gymnasium, and organises a throw-catch game with a rugby style ball. I don't recognise her as such but feel I should know her. I catch the ball, and remembering my injury decide to try and throw with my left arm. However I mis-throw and the ball spins speedily into the back of someone’s head. Embarrassed, I apologise.
Dream 3: House moving. Sort of like a combination of every home I've ever moved out of. A common recurring dream setting (although mostly appears in a shortly after moved in state). For some reason I have an idea that there is a secret altar to Ellis hidden somewhere above a window in a hidden alcove. You had to poke your head through a hole in the ceiling to see it. There was an Ellis sigil there with a couple of red candles and real cobwebs.
Dream 4: Same/similar recurring dream house but lived in. Living space has front door opening directly to street. Sharing house with a bunch of guys on various seats and sofas. One gets a delivery. Postman tries to peak as the guy opens the box but he gets defensive, covering it and saying 'Hey!'
Some guys got excited and told me someone I hadn't seen in a while was coming and I was in for a surprise. The faery red queen appears, although I again I fail to recognise her. We sit awkwardly looking at each other as she waits for me to recognise her. She asks what I think about Scottish Independence and I answer 'YES!'
Ritual: This time we try and create as much silence and darkness as we can manage in our bungalow, for the sensory deprivation approach to 663. We turned the playlist off when we began the calling. Dana used our incense censor to distribute the 663 incense liberally around our home. After the calling we snuffed all the candles and assumed asanas. I didn't get much personal communication but I 663 did share some personal story behind himself that may or may not be of interest to others.
The sole survivor after the collapse of a civilisation, sitting lonely atop a relic of the past, doing the only thing left to do in such a situation, meditation and telepathic communication with other magicians from other worlds and times.
I thanked him for our time together, and for the rebuilding of my rib. I promised to return now we had formed a friendship.
We're putting together an Octarine Magic booklet, which we will release in free pdf and hard copies, as the first of a series. We will include some of the best material already on the site, but some new exclusive articles, ritual write ups, poems, photos and artworks will be most welcome.
Dana Varahi and myself decided to engage in the DKMU Godform cycle. Our first week took place between March 1st and March 7th, and concerned the egregore behind the web created the Linking Sigil, the Red Queen, Ellis. Dana has written her own account of this first week. Ellis serves as the primary point of contact for connecting with the DKMU godforms. Judging from the accounts of others, it seems the bare minimum was to do one evocation per week, one per godform. Being no stranger to daily practice, Dana and I have opted to do a daily evocation, seven per week, thus seven per godform. Here follows an account of my seven days with Ellis.
The period between deciding to do the cycle and actually starting. I have a memory of a dream where a character mentioned Trigag, one of godforms later in the cycle, but I don't remember much detail. We had prepared the sigil and many of the altar decorations in the days preceding the start. This time we put lots of thought into it and really followed the advice in the book concerning things Ellis likes, themes and correspondence. Last time we went in blind and got mixed results.
On the night before starting, after the altar was fully in place, we lit the red candles, burned incense and did a brief meditation, getting us in the mood.
During the day Dana prepared a couple of jugs of Sangria as sacrament. We prepared our journals and sketchbooks, cards for divination and pens and pencils before the altar ready for any direction we may be inspired to take, such as divination by card, automatic drawing, automatic writing, or just recording our communion as we went.
We listened to the Ellis playlist I had prepared during the day, building the connection. This time we turned it off for the actual ritual.
To kick the whole godform cycle off we performed a long version of the Kia IAO Centring. This is like the normal version but the IAO part is repeated facing each of the four directions and the Kia part is repeated after the IAO parts, after returning to face the altar. I then read out the 'Calling to Ellis' and Dana made the chimes at appropriate moments. This calling was slightly personalised but largely based on the one in the book, The DKMU Godforms.
Once I felt in contact with Ellis, I invited her to use me to make an automatic writing. What follows is my transcription of her words.
"I Ellis say to you that you should build and strengthen your connections. Build your friendships and maintain them. Connect. Engage. Show an interest in them. Build a world wide network.
Work with others, use their material, work through their systems. Expand your own, and support and encourage those working with it.
I grant you a sigil to focus this intent..."
There followed a sigil much like the LS sigil but with some modifications.
This time we left the Ellis playlist on during the ritual and started with the short form of the Kia IAO and another 'Calling to Ellis'. I felt inspired to do a drawing of the sigil from Day 1 surrounded by automatic sigils around the edges. As I made this sigil I meditated upon the message.
I asked Ellis if she thought I should share the message or whether it was a personal message for me. She said it was for everyone and I should share it.
After re-reading the description of the glitterbomb sigil with Dana, we decided to empower our YES unicorn for compasionate independence with it, as it seemed a good fit. I added a pound symbol to the take in point and a euro symbol to the transform point. This seemed a good way to represent transferring support in Scotland from Britain to Europe. Dana felted a fearie Ellis, noting the red and green are fae colours. "Red and Green should ne'er be seen together, 'cept in service of the faerie queen."
I also made an LS stone so we could commune with Ellis in the garden, and received a message from Ellis regarding the rotated symmetrical versions of her sigil I had made some months ago. In the DKMU Egregores book, Ellis given seven 'associated archetypes'. Ellis told me how five of these related to four of the sigils I made, and one I should have made but hadn't. The tri-LS relates to Ellis in her more Hecate aspect. The quad-LS relates to Ellis in her more Papa Legba like aspect. The pent-LS relates to Ellis at her most Erisian. The hept-LS, which I never made, apparently relates to Ellis in her Thelemic Babalon aspect. And the octo-LS relates to Ellis in her Grandmother Spider aspect.
Today we also did a simple meditation by the altar indoors, and I got a vision of Ellis as a faerie queen riding a black unicorn into battle followed by a host of fae warriors playing horns and beating drums whilst chanting a beautiful but defiant battle song. The mood was full of confidence.
We spent the day in the city meeting some friends passing through the city we don't get to meet very often, so our meditation today was briefer. I asked Ellis if she would be okay with me preparing some things for 663 and the other godforms in advance during her week, and she seemed content with the idea. I also asked about tagging the Linking Sigil onto my colour dolls, and she was okay with this idea but suggested that I should perhaps open them up in such a form as to be worked with by other remotely. As it turns out I didn't get time to tag them during week one.
Dana prepared the sigil for 663 whilst I prepared the one for Ino. We watched a film called 'The Frame'. I was expecting something cyberpunk, but instead got something rather oddly 'Through the Looking Glass', but in a gritty crime kind of way. We thought the film had Ellisian qualities.
After a couple of days where we did just meditation we renewed the strength of our contact with the Kia IAO short form and an Ellis calling. This time Ellis told me that there were godforms behind each of the #OpIntruder sigils and that we should prepare a cycle for them.
Meditation again. At first I got nothing, and then Ellis just wanted the Sangria. But as Dana fetched the Sacrament from the fridge (we generally kept it cool there until the end of the ritual), Ellis requested that I attempt a painting of herself as the faerie red queen riding the black unicorn from day 3's vision. She understands I probably won't be able to do this until after the cycle is over.
Two inspirations came today. The first is that after doing the DKMU godform cycle, we should do a similar one with godforms relating the KIA egregore. This will naturally include the KIA egregore herself, and also The Black Rat and Ronnie. Since Ronnie came from agent Trace, I had to get her permission to include him, but she consents, so that is three so far. It will grow.
The second was an idea for a novel.
In ritual I mainly received a strange political message about LS meaning Libertarian Socialism. The far bottom left corner of the political compass. I asked about the novel idea, and Ellis made the suggestion to move the setting to a complete fantasy world with fantasy nations and not an alternate Earth. This time we began by drinking sangria with Ellis and ended with the Kia IAO.
After the ritual, we dismantled the Ellis altar and assembled the one for 663 in preparation for Day 1 of the Doombringer.
Ok, this is not a very sexy post, far from it. However I feel that it does relate to sexual/sensual magick. First of all I want to give you a bit of my background. I have spent years studying holistic therapies, including massage. I have done yoga, meditation and in recent years also Tantra (trying to take a Buddhist perspective, but we can safely assume my attitude will be westernized). Over last two years I started to explore my own sexuality, getting involved with multiple partners, in multiple ways, lots of experimenting and lots of fun. My friends often joke that orgies became my hobby.
At the same time I have spent a few years working in care work, supporting disabled people with number of physical and learning disabilities, as well as people suffering from mental health issues. I have managed to break many of my personal fears and taboos. Biggest of all, for me and for many others, was learning to accept these people as sexual beings. Our society made a significant progress over the years. We don't keep them locked up in asylums any more. They are allowed to live independently, to socialise and even have a job whenever that is possible. Their sex lives are almost non-existent though.
I admit I never had a date with a wheelchair user. I don't have any among my friends. It's not just that. My social circle consists mostly of sexually attractive people. A while back I had a chat with a few friends, wondering whether we subconsciously discriminate against unattractive people. Don't get me wrong- at least a few of my lovers would be considered ugly by the mainstream standards. I don't care how people look, at least not consciously. It's not just looks- it's how they speak, how they move, how they smell- all the sensual stuff that makes some people attractive to me. I'm not going to fool myself though. It's not just the character that matters to me. Although I do admit that intelligence makes people attractive. Smart ugly guys with a good sense of humour often land on my list of sexy people. Stupid people will never be on my list, unless it's a one night stand. In summary- wits, sense of humour, good body and outgoing personality. Welcome to my sex club...
So how does it feel to be "un-date-table"? That's what prostitutes are for, unless you need your carer/guardian to take you there. In such cases you're most likely screwed (not literally, Lol) because that's legally impossible to achieve. And like always in life, it's poor people that suffer the most in these cases. If you have enough money you can call a rent-boy or a rent-girl, but your benefits money will not cover these types of expenses. I hope you can see where I'm heading with this...Some people still suggest that we should sterilize disabled people.
Ok- we discussed being different as having severe disability- like say cerebral palsy or Down syndrome- things that severely limit their ability to function in society. I could argue that obesity lands in that box too, since obese people are often labeled as un-date-able. However there's a whole grey area, "behind the scenes" of "normality" and that's mild disabilities and mental health issues. These conditions are possible to hide. Epilepsy and dyslexia would be good examples of mild disabilities. Perhaps "mild" is not the right word- epilepsy, just like allergies might kill you, but in most cases you're are still "date-able".
Mental health issues are a massive stigma, even worse when it is addiction. Many people still think that it is a matter of choice and laziness rather than an illness. People who land in this group, including myself often suffer from low self-esteem and they often isolate themselves from other people.
Happiness is strongly linked with our ability to socialise and form satisfying relationships with others. I was lucky. I have a joined a large group of heavy drug users. Most of us suffer from anxiety and depression and some cases more serious issues, but we're having lots of fun and lots of sex with one another.
I'm not even sure if that last paragraph was meant to be sarcastic or not. I do feel happy, but I am not naive. It's not a Utopian world.
I want to share a habit I've got into. It is a simple thing, perhaps a learned expression of empathy more than a magical technique, although the results can certainly be magical. You may want to think of other situations in which to apply it.
When I was younger, and less secure in myself, I felt rejection very easily. Perhaps too easily. I was also always the one in my relationships that wanted to cuddle all night long during sleep. Some of my partners would eventually feel discomfort spooning and need to change position. Often this meant sleeping seperately without cuddling. It was at this moment that I used to feel a pang of rejection. It wasn't really conscious, I was often half asleep after all. Perhaps partially woken from my slumber by the act of separation. Or maybe I was having insomnia that night. I often do. And of course my partner during such times was also asleep and not really aware of my feelings. Nor could I reach out and tell them without waking them, which would be silly. This feeling of rejection, coupled with feeling silly about expressing it, lead to many nights of troubled insomnia. Or if I was already struggling to get to sleep it made things worse.
Now I often find myself in the opposite role. As much as I love cuddling, I sometimes get uncomfortable. My arm may go dead whilst spooning for example. Now I try to end the spooning before it gets that far, I can spot the early signs that it will. However, my memory of early feelings of rejection have lead me to express a simple 'I love you' during the repositioning, so it is understood there is no motive of rejection. Now I don't actually know if Dana needs this in the same way my younger sensitive self did. I'm not sure they know that either. But I do know that they respond warmly and possitively to the reaffirming of love at such moments.
To apply this practice, you might think of other times a loved one, family member or friend needs reassurance. Especially at times when they might mistake your actions for rejection. What value is empathy left unexpressed?
I've had enough of people coming to the defense of bigots. I've had enough of people saying we can't call the fascist or can't call them nazis. Fuck that. If they are bigots I'm calling them nazis. Here is why.
Bigots dehumanise people with name calling all the time. Why should I care when people dehumanise them in return?
When bigots dehumanise members of the LGBT community with names like 'fag', 'puff', 'sissy', 'tranny' and the like, they do so to make violence against these groups easier. Violence including being denied the use of toilets, thrown objects, beatings and murder. Yet bigots and their apologist allies hide behind the phrase 'free speech' or 'its just a joke'.
When bigots dehumanise women with names like 'bitch', 'whore', 'piece of ass', 'witch', 'hag', 'cow', 'pussy', 'dog' and the like, they do so to make violence against these groups easier. Violence including sexual assault, rape, domestic abuse and political violence such as banning abortions. Yet bigots and their apologist allies hide behind the phrase 'free speech' or 'its just a joke'.
When bigots dehumanise people they don't think white enough, with names like 'nigger', 'paddy', 'kike', 'nip', 'chink', 'ape', 'towelhead' or 'reptilian' (yes David Ike fans, don't think I don't see through your coded racism) and the like, they do so to make violence against these groups easier. Violence including assault, racist laws, racist policing enabled by a racist justice system, destruction of places of worship, murder, war, assassination of outspoken political organisers and genocide. Yet bigots and their apologist allies hide behind the phrase 'free speech' or 'its just a joke'.
When bigots dehumanise protestors and their political opponents, with names like 'cuck', 'traitor', 'dirty hippy', 'commie', 'whiner', 'butt hurt loser', 'SJW' and the like, they do so to make violence against these groups easier. Violence including police brutality, military policing, agent provocateurs destabilising peaceful protests, political imprisonment, rubber bullets, murder and assassination. Yet bigots and their apologist allies hide behind the phrase 'free speech' or 'its just a joke'.
When bigots dehumanise the disabled, with mocking hand gestures and names like 'retard', 'spaz', using '~tard' as derogatory suffix, and using autism, blindness etc as insults, they do so to make violence against these groups easier. Violence including denial of care and welfare, physical and sexual abuse, genocide, abandonment. Yet bigots and their apologist allies hide behind the phrase 'free speech' or 'its just a joke'.
Yet when we use our free speech to dehumanise bigots with names like 'nazi', suddenly the calls of 'free speech' go silent. Suddenly these 'nazi' apologists show their true colours. When it is they and their friends that are dehumanised they start to panic. When nazis get punched in the street, or on University campuses, they become the butt hurt whiners that clamour for a safe space. Their hypocrisy is oh so transparent. They want a monopoly on the right to dehumanise others. Fuck that. I'll continue to dehumanise them with the names nazi and fascist so long as they dehumanise others with any of the names above.
What is the matter nazis? Free speech. Can't you take a joke? Don't you want to hear the punchline?
It was mid December, 2016. I went down to a local post office to send some Xmas cards. As I was queuing up I noticed green cupcakes looking like Pepe the frog. I was repulsed at them to begin with but then an idea came to my mind about all the things I could do to them. I came back home with a couple of very squashy Pepes. Myself and Anton decided to do a ritual in which we both crush Pepe to symbolically crash the rising nazism. The idea was too good not to share with the world, so we decided to use a video camera during the rite. We began thinking of this rite like an artist/filmmaker as much as magician. Using #OpIntruder in this was a logical choice, since we have been involved in it and empowered it for so long. The decision to include the CE5 sigil took the ritual in a new direction. Since it's Operation Intruder crushing the nazis, why not play around with the abduction scenario a little bit to tell a story.
I placed one Pepe on a green plate ready for action. It looked incredibly small, vulnerable and worried. This was good because in essence that is what you find inside a nazi. A person who instead of learning compassion from their own vulnerability decides to build a wall around themselves to keep aliens out. Needless to say that you can not keep aliens out, especially when #OpIntruder targets you. It felt fun and empowering to probe and later punch the Pepe into a meat look-a-like mash of strawberry, dough and cream. It was all fun and lulz whilst keeping a serous intent. We want to send a message that we will not hesitate to act violently in self defence or in the defence of others. We wage a magickal war against the nazis and we enjoy destroying them.
The ritual itself was done and it came time to make a video sigil out of it. We decided to make it ready so it can be posted in the week preceding inauguration. Since the video is made for #OpIntruder we used 'chaos crawler' (contributed by agent Obadiah Marsh) as a soundtrack.
We uploaded the video and Operation Intruder shared it on their face book page. You can imagine our amusement and surprise when the footage of an anonymous person punching Richard Spencer went viral. Not only did Spencer get punched, he did so just as someone asked him about Pepe the frog!
It is hard to dismiss this as a result. In full honesty people punching nazis on the streets is not necessarily what I had in mind! The question arises, how do I feel about it? I had some debate with spiritually minded people who oppose direct violence against nazis. Their arguments are simple. Physical violence will provoke retaliation from the state and escalate violence. This view seems to be promoted by white, Christian academics who postulate that nazi punching will isolate "the left" from "the centre" and in result give more power to the right. It sounds like an eloquent, well presented and civilised argument. I could just about accept it, especially since I used to consider myself a pacifist.
The reason why I do not or can not accept it is because I find myself at an intersection of view different minorities. I see first hand that the resulting crisis was made possible by "the centre's" lack of response to years of campaigning, awareness raising and political debates by the civil liberty advocates, activists and other representatives of social minorities. The civilised approach clearly didn't work well enough to prevent the rise of the alt-right, christofascist dominists, and others in the nazi movement. The people who I debated on the subject were not interested in hearing me out, neither did they show any awareness of how serious the socio-political climate is. They choose to patronise and preach instead. The punch the Nazi debate isn't about violence and self defence, like its being framed. It's about ignorance and privilege of those who fail to see the state as a true aggressor in the conflict.
The first time I came across the term 'Social Justice Warrior' it resonated with me. Sure it was used as an attempt to insult me, but the person using the term was a transphobic racist, so I didn't let that bother me. Indeed the term felt empowering. After all, what kind of sociopathic douche is opposed to social justice? And where is the shame in being labelled a warrior? It seemed like the lamest insult anyone could come up with.
But for some reason I've been hearing the term used more and more. Even by people supposedly on the left, that want to distance themselves from the term and shame those they deem 'too radical'. Well fuck that, I didn't become an anarchist to join some half hearted movement that throws minorities under the bus. Either we're all in this together or I'm not showing up.
As a result I have decided to reclaim the term 'Social Justice Warrior'. To claim it, to define it and to magically empower it. From now on I choose to identify myself with the term 'Social Justice Warrior Mage', and my first act of magic is itself the reclamation of this label and a taking of pride in it.
My next act of magic is to swear the oath of the Social Justice Warrior. If you wish to join me, you can use these or a modified form of your own liking.
The Warrior must KNOW that the only authentic revolution is intersectional and international in solidarity. Anything less is allowing ourselves to be divided and conquered. Restricting our actions to local and national level politics allows the corporate globalists to control things at a global level. Similarly fighting only for the groups to which we belong, a kind of blinkered individualism, allows us to be divided and conquered at a national level.
The Warrior must have the WILL to face their own privileges and own them. Facing the various ways we are disadvantaged is easy. Recognizing that we also benefit from certain privileges not available to all is uncomfortable. Neither warriors nor mages should fear stepping outside of their comfort zone.
In recognizing their power and privilege, the Warrior must DARE to turn them into weapons, becoming allies for those that lack the same privileges. A recent example of this occurred when US veterans showed up to defend the Dakota pipeline protestors. Something they probably wouldn't have done without a massive online campaign in support of this cause. Both the veterans and the international solidarity shown for the Sioux protestors through online support. The fight against injustice is a good fight, and we will fight with words, poetry, art, emotion, and any other means at our disposal. We will fight bravely against any odds. We will not tolerate intolerance. We will not accept any form of bigotry as a valid political viewpoint, and we will use our freedom of speech to oppose it at every turn.
A good Warrior must learn the best tactics to support each group, whether they belong to it or seek to serve it as an ally, by BECOMING SILENT and learning to listen to those with experience. A good warrior knows when to listen. A good warrior knows they don't need to express their opinion, and in fact can often learn more if they don't. However, the warrior does need to learn how to determine who to listen too. This is not some hierarchical feudal style military with an obvious chain of command. In fact, there exists no chain of command. We are all peers. But some have more experience in fighting certain battles. We must learn from them. This does not mean justifying your homophobia with the example of a gay friend with internalized homophobia. Seek especially voices from the intersection of several oppressed groups. Amplify their voices, rather than taking credit for their ideas, either implicitly or explicitly.
I will not be shamed into silence by fascists or fearful leftists that would rather be wrong than lose. Winning whilst throwing oppressed groups under the bus is a hollow victory. It isn't a revolution I can throw my energy behind. If you want to fight by my side you better have fucking courage, not just to take on overwhelming odds, but also to face your own inner demons. We may not win every battle, but we will fight on in eternal defiance.